In A Standstill
Sunday, June 21, 2009 by Leia / Rome
I haven't really blogged in a while. Maybe because my life has been in a complete standstill for the last month or so. I've been such a workhorse for as long as I can remember. For me to be given an abrupt and unexpected vacation is like crashing head first onto a water dam at 100 miles per hour. While I've tried to get the most out of this transition period, as if to compensate for all the lost hours of sleep and relaxation, I'm feeling really angsty and damn itching to get back into the grind. In a few weeks, this gap will mark the longest one in all my corporate transitions. The shortest? One weekend.
I can identify far too many reasons for this unjust occurrence. Global recession, ill-conceived top management actions, cost-efficiency measures, billable versus non-billable resources... Name it, it's all there and you can read it in any daily newspaper. It is easy to cast the blame on something you never wanted to happen for yourself. There's anger, for sure. Who wouldn't be especially if you were treated as if you had a deadly, communicable virus like swine flu and needed to be eradicated? Take note, eradicated and not quarantined. I didn't like it. I was actually belligerent when I was being read the contents of the crisp, cream letter which sounded like an arrest warrant: overused, impersonal and non-negotiable. Pardon the scathing metaphor but I couldn't help but be cynical every time I remember it. However, since I don't have any choice in the matter, at least never had anyway, I'd rather deal with it and move on.
This for me is a first. A misstep of sorts. And one that I do hope would be the last. While my options appear a lot considering the amount of opportunities for people like me, it still seems dim. My need is simple: a day job that allows me to exercise my capabilities while pays me enough to do the things I want to do. If the universe conspires to give me something as good as my last job with a greater assurance that I can last for years even if it takes more effort, I'm all for it. I haven't hit the panic button yet. I don't want to. But when push comes to shove, you can't really do anything else about it, right? Thus, I don't want to get at that point. I want to release the parachute at the right time so that I can land firmly, on two feet, and not flailing to my own death because I undervalued the target. Life has worked far too mysteriously for me sometimes. With God's grace, I hope I can see through this. All I need is for someone, somebody, to believe that I'm the right person. And I promise that I'll make it worth their while. That's how I've been, that's how I'll forever be.
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